And once you’ve completed the necessary grieving process, adjusting to a new way of life is your next task at hand.Even though getting back out there can be tough, keep at it. Here are seven tips worth following that’ll get you back in the saddle with ease.In her book, Rebooting in Beverly Hills: A Wise and Wild Path for Navigating the Dating World, Miller not only recounts her struggles to forgive, forget and move on after the devastating failure of her third marriage (he cheated; she forgave; he kept cheating; she asked for a divorce).But she also shares how she re-started her love life, one lousy date at a time.Read on for 10 tips that will help you get back in Cupid's good graces. Instead, “it’s usually clear when you’re not ready,” says Susan Pease Gadoua, a therapist and author of "Stronger Day by Day: Reflections for Healing and Rebuilding After Divorce." That is, “when the very idea turns you off.” But you can decide that you’re ready to at least try. While it’s not unheard of for a woman wounded by a painful divorce to make statements like "all men are jerks" or "all the good ones are taken," that’s obviously not a good mindset to have going into dating, says Dr. “That kind of thinking can tank your mood -- and cause you to limit your chances of getting out there and finding love.” By forcing yourself to keep your negative thoughts in check, you'll soon be in the habit of thinking optimistically, which will in turn make you more ready to date again. "Tell a friend where you’ll be and when you expect to be home, and meet for coffee in a public place," suggests Dr. "You can see what you might want in a relationship going forward," she says, even if it's not with any of these guys. "Just say, ‘I’m enjoying dating you, but I want you to know that for now I’m also seeing others casually." 10. Hopefully it's obvious to you that if you have children at home, you shouldn't bring dates around unless it's somewhat serious.Once the idea of going on a date comes into your mind and you don’t want to chase it out again, you’re at least ready to start, she says. Contemplating the dating scene, many divorced women feel not just garden-variety nerves, but "actual terror," says Dr. Just remember that your fears are normal -- after all, you are dealing with or have dealt with a major betrayal and upheaval -- and that you don’t have to jump all the way in. Tell a few trusted friends that you’re interested in meeting people. A divorcée may also feel that there’s something "wrong" with her since her marriage fell apart, says Dr. If that's the case, start training yourself now to recognize self-sabotaging thoughts, and when self-doubts start to pop up, "visualize a giant red stop sign, or a voice yelling, 'Stop! That said, don't let a fear of your children being upset or disapproving stop you from getting out there if you feel ready to.
So how can you make post-divorce dating -- whether you’re looking for a good time or a good (relationship-minded) man -- less daunting? Whether it’s been one year or six since the divorce decree, you may never know with absolute clarity that you’re truly ready for another relationship. Of course, when you do meet, take basic safety precautions. Maybe one guy is very funny, but you enjoy another man’s intellectual stimulation.She knew what she wanted from a man — and what she didn’t. Have a plan when it comes to dating “You have a list when you go to the grocery store, so why wouldn’t you when you’re doing something more important?” asks Miller, “I made [dating] into a business strategy.” Miller divided her strategy for finding a mate into four categories: “pickups, fix-ups, matchmaking and Internet dating.” To navigate each category, she came up with a plan for forging ahead.I had to get past that and to be able to have no anger left.It took a lot of work.” The payoff of that sabbatical was that by the time she entered the dating world again, she wasn’t bitter.